10 Questions to Stop Asking New Parents
It’s no secret that new parents can get a bit defensive when you’re talking about their babies, and sometimes the most well-meaning comment can turn into a serious problem, but there are some things you simply do not say — ever. Here are a few so you’re prepared next time you meet up with fellow parents and friends who just had a little.
1. Is she your only one? / Do you have JUST one?
Reason it sucks:
- There are more blended families than not these days, so this question can bring up a lot of emotions and a long, long answer.
- My child isn’t JUST anything. We chose to focus on this one for now, for our own reasons, and that’s OK (and socially responsible). Every kiddo is different and this one needs one on one time, a lot.
2. Are your twins natural?
Reason it sucks: Yes, some parents get multiples after trying to conceive with the help of fertility treatments, but not all twins or triplets are because of that, and all of those kids are natural.
3. Who do your kids look like?
Reason it sucks: Parents like to think that their kids look like them, especially if they actually do and you just don’t see it.
4. Are you their nanny?
Reason it sucks: No mom wants to be mistaken for the hired caretaker. Don’t say this.
5. What mix are they?
Reason it sucks: This isn’t a convo about a breed of puppy you’re about to buy, these are someone’s kids. Obviously, some people care about this more than others, but in general, it’s a mix of X plus Y.
6. What’s their nationality?
Reason it sucks: This ” just curious” question may be taken as an insult, and very hurtful. Obviously, the kiddo is American if born in America and so on.
7. Why aren’t her ears pierced yet?
Reason it sucks: If you think all female babies should have pierced ears by 6 months to a year, that’s fine, but it has nothing to do with someone else’s baby. I personally chose not to pierce my daughter’s ears because it’s her body and I want her to make that choice someday rather than burden her with the responsibility of caring for pierced ears when she may not even had wanted them had she gotten the choice. I was also concerned abut dealing with it while she was teething and in a pain a lot.
8. Oh, that’s a girl?! Where are all the pink clothes?
Reason it sucks: All girls don’t wear pink all the time! Maybe the family your speaking to can’t afford new clothes and so their baby wears the hand-me-downs they get from others, or maybe there’s a cute girls outfit that’s green and the family loves it. Maybe the family likes to be gender neutral. No matter the reason, it isn’t cool to say this.
9. Did you circumcise yet?
Reason it sucks: This is a bit similar to ear piercing in the sense that some parents decide to circumcise as part of a tradition or what they feel is right and others do not, for the same reasons. This is super personal, and no one’s business.
10. Aren’t you tired of breastfeeding?
Reason it sucks: Aren’t you tired of whatever it is you do? Clearly, if mom is tired, she’ll tell you in the conversation, but she’s still going to do it for the baby/child, and for herself if she needs or wants to until she and her child decide to stop, not when you tell her to.
Have a few more to add to my list? Please share in the comments below!